Why I need formal mentorship

Do you remember in grade school when you’d walk up to your crush, ready to ask “will you be my valentine?”, only to back down and instead slip a generic note in their cardholder when no one was looking? For me, that uneasy feeling associated with the possibility of rejection hasn’t gone away as an adult. Today, asking someone “will you be my mentor?” comes with the same elevated heart rate, sweaty palms, and butterflies in my stomach. 

I’ve been lucky enough to have fierce sponsors in my career, but I have to admit, it wasn’t because I sought these out. I’d proven myself through my work and won over an influential leader early on who, honestly, did the rest for me - gave me credit when speaking with higher ups, opened up doors for me, put career-enhancing challenges and opportunities in front of me, and coached me through every obstacle I faced, no matter how big or small. She made it easy to succeed and I progressed quickly with that type of support behind me. 

When my department was the subject of a mass layoff, within a couple hours I went from a promising trajectory, to confused and alone as I watched every last endorsement I had at the company walk out the door. Survivor’s guilt was something I had read about in textbooks, but did I ever underestimate the impact that it would have on me. I remember the feeling of holding it together all day at work and the moment I’d close the car door to drive home at the end of the day, I’d break down. For months, anxiety attacks were almost a daily occurrence. My work suffered and there was a cloud of disappointment in the interactions with those around me - I was the one who survived, why was I not performing better? The feeling that I didn’t belong coupled with the perception of failure was overwhelming. 

It was the first time in my career that I was truly on my own, and I didn’t know how to fend for myself. It took me a while to seek professional help and start to rebuild my spirit (and I still work at it every single day). The bright, confident and courageous girl that won me sponsors in the first place was gone and I’m still not sure if I lost her when my supporters walked out the doors, or if I lost her before that while I was taking a back seat to my own career. Having sponsorship early on was great to accelerate my growth, but not ever having to advocate for myself put me in a position where I didn’t have the tools to move forward. 

Moving past my crippling survivor’s guilt and imposter’s syndrome meant expanding my network outside of work. I joined the Young Women In Business Membership to tackle the feeling of isolation, and the community of women has helped me find solace in the experiences and perspectives of others. But right now I am still that grade school girl that doesn’t quite know how to ask the question, and until I can, I will seek formal mentorship programs where others can break the ice for me while I work on finding my voice again. 

Along with some adhoc skills-based mentorship through Product by Women, I’ve applied to the Young Women in Business Elevate Mentorship Program where the organizers will take my unique needs into consideration to find a mentor that will check all my boxes, and also challenge me beyond what I think I need. What I like about this program in particular is that I will have the opportunity to connect with all mentors and mentees in the program, as well as members of the YWiB community. I also like that I am able to provide names of people I’d like to connect with - in roles I’d love to be in, or companies I dream of working at - and the organizers will do the work to connect us. 

I’d encourage anyone with fierce supporters in your organization to, yes, embrace those relationships! But also seek out mentorship and communities outside of your immediate circles. Take what you learn from these leaders and use your own voice to advocate for yourself. And if you too are nervous popping the question to that possible mentor you’ve been fan-girling on LinkedIn, find yourself a program that will do it for you!

The Young Women in Business Elevate Mentorship Program is accepting applications until the end of February. Apply here. 

5 Ingredients for a self-care pie

(The following is a personal post from one of our YWiB executives. We encourage anyone struggling with addiction, stress, mental health or other concerns to seek support, if needed.)

Well friends, we have wrapped up a year. 365 days have passed, and our calendar rolls over to read 2021. So – what does that mean? For many of us, we were ready to put 2020 behind us for very obvious reasons. 2020 was HARD. It was uncomfortable and it stretched most of us quite thin. Here we are, in the middle of a pandemic, social distancing and isolating for the first time, and just because our calendar has rolled over does not mean that the trauma of 2020 is behind us. Now, I am a huge believer in the power of positivity. I believe that positive thinking might not necessarily change your situation, but it will for damn sure change how you handle it, but 2020 sure tested me. This month, it has been 6 years since I quit drinking. I found that using pinot grigio as a way to cope with the daily stressors and hardships of life was simply not working for me. It was only exacerbating my problems and I was becoming more lonely by the day. However, back then, I wasn’t sure what other coping tools I had in my belt. I like to think back to that first year of sobriety as ‘The year I set fire to my life’ and began rebuilding a new one, one with healthy and positive coping mechanisms. Who knew that five years later they would be all of the tools I needed so desperately to carry me through this unknown territory of a pandemic. 

Drinking as a coping mechanism right now amongst women aged 25 – 40 is on the rise.  In a 2017 study published in Jama Psychiatry, it was revealed that between 2002 and 2013 the number of women who demonstrated problem drinking (this includes alcohol abuse and dependency, the inability to quit) soared by 84%. That is a scary, scary number. Now, let me be clear: our society pushes this. We are creating a narrative that is very unhealthy. Bad day at work? Have a drink. Need to celebrate? Take a shot. Need to relax? Pour yourself a glass of wine. Hanging with friends? Grab a beer. ‘Mommy wine culture’ has also taken over as we push the narrative to mothers that they ‘deserve’ wine at the end of the day. We need to think about the message ‘mommy needs wine’ sends to women. Does that mean moms need wine to handle the chaos of raising kids and life? Does that mean moms can only socialize over wine? Does that wine solve the problems of motherhood? The truth is that none of those things are true, and the ramifications can be serious. Women are far less likely to admit to having a drinking problem, but we have no filter when it comes to stress. We are expected to have it all together and do it all. I don’t know about you – but I feel that pressure, and I certainly felt it this year. The more hours you give to your job, the more you drink. The more depressed you are, the more you drink – or is it the more you drink, the more depressed you become? The two are so tangled up it's often hard to tell which came first. As COVID has us hunkered down at home, leaning on alcohol as a coping mechanism is easier than ever for most. And so, I had to be very intentional about taking care of myself this year, and utilizing all of the tools I acquired during the past 6 years. I now refer to this as my ‘self-care pie’. For not only one thing is going to keep my mind and body healthy, there are five main ingredients to my self-care pie, and I had to rely heavily on all of them to get me through the grief of 2020. I want to share them with you in the hope that you will find value in them.

The Village

Who is in my village? Who do I turn to when things get tough? I needed to be sure as I was isolating, that I didn’t become too isolated. I set up zoom calls, facetime double dates, Google Meet coffees – you name it. We are being asked to not act like humans right now – we are naturally social people. It was incredibly important for me to have connections to people that I could be open, honest, and vulnerable with.

**Bonus points for anyone who has a therapist or psychologist in your village. I know mine helps keep me accountable.

Disconnect

Okay, hold up. I realize I just told you how important it is to stay connected, and here I am telling you that I also need to be disconnected – but hear me out. I don’t know about you, but social media doesn’t always make me feel good. I recently got my screen time report and I was appalled! FIVE HOURS?! How amazing would it be if I’d invested those five hours into my career? Or reading? Or my kids? It benefits our mental health when we put our phones down and are present. I encourage anyone to find settings in your phone and set a limit on social media apps, or set aside an hour a day where you put your phone in another room and do something just for you. It always helps me.

Move your butt 

I cannot spend my day ensuring the couch doesn’t float away. Even though Netflix is calling my name, I get up, and go do something. Exercise is a huge piece of my coping skills pie. The outdoors are not closed – I go for a walk, put my earbuds in and have one of my meetings or coaching calls with a colleague where we’re both walking. There is also nothing better than to put my music blaring in my ears and take off for a run. I do my best thinking when I’m walking or running. I often tell myself: Sign up for a zoom workout class, download a yoga app – ANYTHING. Move your butt. **Pro tip: Get a friend to join you for an activity that you can do together like virtual yoga. It helps you to keep connected and keeps you accountable! 

Sleep

Enough said. If I don’t get enough sleep – everything is out the window. My FOMO sometimes tells me I need to stay up later to get things done, however, whenever I feel off, I use the HALT (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired) method and more often than not I realize I am just tired. If I sleep – I can tackle all of the hard things. 

**Bonus: When I go to bed sober, there is a strong chance I won’t sleep in my makeup and wake up with raccoon eyes.

Be kind

I need to be kind to myself. I need to be patient with myself. I need to give myself a break. No, actually – I need to ensure that I take a break! I have a bath (without that glass of wine), turn off my tv, listen to music. Give my mind a moment to rest and reorganize. Read a book. I take some time to feel that sadness and anger that COVID and lockdowns all make me feel, and then pick myself up and carry on. Cook a meal. Write a list of all of the things I am grateful for. Make a dream board for what I want to accomplish. Remind myself that I am a badass – and that I can do absolutely anything I put my mind to. 

Even though I myself am a positive person, I had to ensure I was intentionally creating space for grief and gratitude to co-exist this past year. It had to be okay for me to be grateful for all that I have, while also grieving all of the loss I was feeling. Our lives have changed so drastically now, it’s incredibly important we both talk to others about how we are coping and make an effort to develop healthy coping skills. Perhaps you want to put together your own self-care pie? I don’t buy into the ‘new year, new me’ saying, but I do believe we can strive to be better than we were the year before. New year, same me – but better. Healthier. Stronger. Ready to tackle everything being thrown at me. With healthy coping skills.

Dealing with job loss during COVID-19

[The following is a personal post from one of our YWiB executives. We encourage anyone struggling with job loss, financials, stress, mental health, or other concerns to seek support, if needed.]

In the middle of March, I was on vacation in Kauai. I couldn't have ever imagined that by the next month, I'd be sitting at home trying my best to limit my time outside, jobless. My trip ended with a call to my boss speaking about EI, self-isolation and the possibility of the Canadian-US border being closed. It's a stressful conversation to have, especially when no one has an answer, nor is the path clear during this health crisis. Our community, businesses and employers are attempting to do the best that they can to take care of each other. 

I arrived home and was able to spend the 14-days of self-isolation working from home. At the time, I was working in private non-essential health care, meaning that an eventual closure was looming. The inevitable did happen, and here I am, with an upheaval to my income, schedule and daily routine. This may seem depressing, but truth be told, I found solace in the fact that I'm not alone in my experience. Millions of Canadians are in the same boat, but let’s still be honest, it sucks.

Even in the worst situations, we can look for the silver lining, which is what I did with three steps to keep moving forward with my life:

• Let yourself grieve! 

Job loss is never easy. The fact was my routine had been completely uprooted, and the accomplishments I tied to work had suddenly vanished. For me, there was an immediate and slightly crushing sense of failure. The fact that I needed to recognize was that this job loss had nothing to do with my performance, nor was it preventable. Closures needed to happen to help flatten the curve. I started to look at my loss of work as a sacrifice to help our community stay healthy. I spent some time venting and grieving. Each person deals with grief differently, and I would suggest reaching out to a significant other, friends, family, or a professional for support. Taking care of your mental health should be a top priority, and you should ensure you are taking care of it first and foremost.

• Assess your financial situation and what is available to you from the government.

  Assessing your finances is a critical step in ensuring that you reduce your current and future stress! You should understand what your household needs to bring in per month, what you have in your emergency fund, and where you can make adjustments so that you aren't digging yourself into a mound of debt. In this case, if you are anticipating that you may lose your job, I would recommend understanding the resources yourself and ensuring you aren't reliant on employer support or helping you to find the information. 

• Create a schedule for yourself or a general outline day to day of what you need to accomplish. 

For me, this meant finding activities that keep me physically, mentally and spiritually active. I determined my priorities and what brought joy to my daily life. Enjoying my time outside on my balcony, continuing to feel helpful by volunteering and treating myself as a priority by exercising, learning and reading. Make sure you create your daily routine with YOU in mind. When are you most productive if you need to work on your resume or look for a job? How do you break up that activity that may seem daunting with something else that you love? Your day can still be fluid and changing, even if you feel limited by needing to stay inside.

Be kind to yourself and others during this challenging time. Most of our lives have been uprooted or have significantly changed. It's hard to manage even if you haven't lost your job; maybe you know someone who is sick, or perhaps you are being impacted by the pandemic differently. Each situation and experience is individualized, but it doesn't mean that each of us isn't having a challenging time. Remember, you aren't alone, and we are all in this together. 

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Our team is working hard to find digital events that can provide our community with the same level of engagement, growth and connection. If you have any ideas or would like to offer yourself as a presenter, please reach out to any of our team members. The value we place on our community now and the people around us will not only help us push through this tough time but will define our strength on the other side of the pandemic. 

Social Distancing Survive & Thrive Guide

We’re now almost a month deep in social-distancing, and while the initial shock and adjustment period has shifted, we wanted to provide you with a couple of (mostly free) resources to help you survive & thrive through these times. 

First & foremost, we encourage you to take good care of yourself (& loved ones). Do what feels right for you, whether that means reading a book, exercising, eating chocolate, video-calling friends, watching your favourite show, having a bath, learning a new skill, going for a social-distance walk, or anything else that is calling you. While we’re not saying you need to be productive 100% of the time (we see you, Netflix), but encourage you to make the most of this “extra” down-time to come out the other side stronger and with an added sense of how to look after yourself (and others). Regardless, we’re in this together!

Share your favourites, or share your other resources on how you’re using this time, we’d love to hear! 

Women in Wealth - January 24th, 2019

How truly grateful we are to have secured such an awesome spot for our first event of the year.  Situated in the heart of downtown Calgary, the Central Library stands as an architectural marvel with a striking silhouette, decorated with a hexagonal pattern. Upon entering the building, one is welcomed by the open-concept atrium, complimented by natural woods and sunlight pouring through the geometric windowpanes. Both the magnificent design and ambiance has created a space that embraces all visitors. Who would have thought a library would the happening place to be in such a young city! Perhaps we can partially thank the millennials, who are now young adults, for Calgary’s gradual transformation into a cool-and-hip city. Adjacent to the trendy industrial-esque East Village, this new hub is alive, friendly, and diverse.

Gathering in the BMO Community Room, attendees were welcomed by shiny YWIB balloons and sleek leather notebooks placed on each chair. The tapas and cocktails catered by Luke’s café were perfect for the occasion: Peasant Cheese Shop taught us that no charcuterie board is complete without caper berries. Women in Wealth was a truly successful event; the space absolutely bustled from start to finish.

Young Women in Business Calgary is on its fourth year in existence. What better way to kick off 2019 than focusing on the ever-so-current topic: women, and investing. This event was both sponsored and co-hosted by Fidelity Investments – a multinational financial services company, and one of the largest asset managers in the world with $2.46 trillion in assets under management. Meghan McDonald, the Manager of Campus Relations from the Toronto office set the tone for the evening by explaining how Fidelity operates. We learned that Fidelity Canada is a mutual fund manufacturer, with a business-to-business model.

Following Meghan’s introduction was our keynote speaker, Kathryn Black, the Manager of Regional Sales of Fidelity Western Canada. Kathryn talked about women as financial decision makers, emotions through the market cycles, and key considerations for the female investor. Kathryn was interactive and entertaining, and through her presentation, delivered a powerful message that had us take a look deeper into ourselves. We learned that women have the potential to outperform men in the stock market. Yet, while we theoretically invest better than men, we are less likely to even invest to begin with. One of the key takeaways of this event is that we as women have an ongoing responsibility in narrowing the gender wealth gap. Simply acknowledging that we have the opportunity to manage our own finances is a great start. We were left inspired by a vibrant individual: Kathryn spoke of both her experience and outlook on the women in the financial industry in a positive light.

We would like to formally acknowledge our sponsor and co-host, Fidelity Investments, with special thanks to Kathryn Black and Meghan McDonald. A further thank you to the Calgary Central Library, Luke’s Catering, Bare|Bold, and Rumble Boxing Studio for supporting our event.  

2nd Annual High Tea & Networking

Our second annual High Tea held at the historic Fairmont Palliser in downtown Calgary last Saturday, October 14 was a huge success! The highly anticipated event was sold out, and featured industry experts at each table, in order to give professional women the chance to ask questions, discuss industry-specific topics and share and learn from everyone's experiences in a casual setting while enjoying treats.

To view more photos from the event, check out our amazing photographer Danny's professional Facebook page here!

We were incredibly fortunate to have the following industry leaders share their insights:

• Marlo Brausse, Owner of Barre Body Studio
• Gillian Davies, Senior Manager at TransCanada
• Nicole Eaton, Investment Advisor at RBC Dominion Securities Inc
• Liz Ellwood, Co-Founder and Fertility Consultant at Fertility Match
• Tara Kelly, President and CEO at Splice Software
• Lynn Johnson, Account Director at Edelman
• Amy Lee, Senior Director, Corporate Accounting at Triovest Reality
• Lillian Pan, Partner at Dentons Canada LLP.

Thank you to everyone that attended! Stay tuned for our End of Year Social and next year's events!

Fall events 2017 update

We hope all of you had a great summer are well rested for the upcoming events. Yes, it has been quiet since our last event, but fear not as we are back and ready for action! 

We are planning our events for next year and would love to hear your feedback. Please help us create more, better tools for you by filling out a quick survey here and let us know what kinds of events you'd like to see in 2018: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/FXZGXC9 

How many of you are curious or unsure about investments or want to know about how our industry leaders rose to where they are today? Then all of you are in luck because we are excited to present two big events this Fall to answer those questions! Your executive team aim to provide a centralized forum to connect ambitious, young women such as yourselves from various backgrounds, fields, and industries--to help all of you become successful in your workplace, career, and personal life. 

Event #1 - Investing 101: Wealth, Women & Wine
This session challenges common investor perceptions relating to our current events and conventional market wisdom. It is designed to educate and entertain, covering topics such as:

• The "Trump Bump" and what's next
• Ways to gauge your return expectations and if they are realistic
• The future of active management in a world where the average investor consistently under performs the board market indices
• Ways to support women's leadership development

TIME: 6:00 PM – 7:30 PM MDT
DATE: Thursday Sept. 21, 2017

More info on our events page.

Event #2 - High Tea at the Fairmont Palliser
As one of our most successful past events, you are  invited to Fairmont Palliser for our second annual high tea event! You will have the chance to sit with industry leaders from different professional backgrounds and gain insight into how they navigated their respective fields and overcame challenges that you may be facing in your current career.

SAVE THE DATE!
Saturday, October 14, 2017

Stay tuned for further details on the event and speakers.

Feel free to spread the word and invite your friends! Please remember that space is limited so hurry and get your ticket! See you all there!