When Worlds Collide: A Practical Guide to Setting Healthy Boundaries
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Welcome to week 12 of lockdown.
Have you come across ‘How to be Productive’ and ‘Manage your time wisely’ post through your timelines? All of them telling you the ‘right way’ to manage your time during this crisis? When you see those posts, are you asking yourself: “Should I be doing this too? or, What is wrong with me? Should I use this time to be ‘productive’? Learn a new skill? Start a business? Bake bread from scratch? Watch all the movies? Catch up on your reading list?”
The list goes on and on... The options are endless and at times, contradictory. We get it.
You see how some people are packing their ‘new normal’ routine with more activities: whipping up coffee, re-organizing their closets (and Instagramming it!), etc. You see others doing less because oftentimes, just getting through the day without having a few breakdowns in between IS their big achievement.
You are not alone feeling confused. There is no one right way of handling any of what is going on at the moment.
That said, the question you should be asking yourself is: Do I really need to make the most out of my time during this pandemic?
The answer is...there’s more than one answer. We have two;
1. If it doesn’t work for you, you don’t have to do it.
“We’re conditioned to believe that being as productive as possible, and structuring our days in this very externally validating way, is what’s right,” says Andrea Sadler, a Toronto-based occupational therapist and psychotherapist.
In an interview with HuffPost Canada, Sadler unpacked the idea that, “There’s an interesting judgment that the more productive people are doing it right, and the less productive people are doing it wrong…But there are no rules around that. It’s all just about getting through.”
So, if accomplishing one or two things per day is what works for you, do that. If the ‘thing’ you do is being gentle with yourself by redefining what ‘productivity’ feels like during this crisis, do that. If ‘the thing’ you do is connecting more with non-judgemental friends because that’s what helps you keep healthy, do that. YOU define what works for you and what doesn’t serve. You define your journey, the same way that others own theirs.
2. If going by a schedule and establishing structure in your days is beneficial for you, do that instead.
“While some people might naturally thrive in the absolute freedom to do whatever they want, whenever they want, many people are feeling lost when they are not given a set schedule. Establishing and maintaining a plan, while staying realistic about changing the plan when needed, can help.” says Natalie Stein, an exercise, fitness, nutrition expert and assistant Professor of Public Health.
Do what feels right for you. If working on checking off a daily to-do list keeps you sane and healthy, please do that. If learning a new skill; putting some extra hustle on your side business; making pasta from scratch; or producing even more content for your audience helps you, do that. Find your rhythm and own it.
If you’re struggling to determine what the ‘right thing’ is for YOU, read on. We have some tips in the next sections that may help give you some clarity.
Read more: COVID-19 and Business: An Interview with Lynzie Kent, Entrepreneur
One way of determining where you stand on ‘Should I be making the most out of this time?’ is to check in with yourself. This begins by working from the inside out. Do you understand yourself and your needs to live with content?
When we take in various messages from social media, with many opinions and that showcase everyone's lives, it is easy to get lost in the lives of others and become highly critical of our own self and abilities.
An important part of sorting out your thoughts and feelings is to be able to articulate them appropriately. Here are some questions to help you get acquainted with your feelings about yourself (right).
It’s important to ask yourself these questions and delve deep into ‘why’ and ‘where’ these feelings are coming from. Sometimes it may not even be the lifestyle that the other person is portraying, but the fact that they look busier than you do. But is ‘looking busy’ the goal, and more specifically, is that the appropriate goal for you?
Forming these mental boundaries is crucial to filtering out the noise from your true professional journey and purpose. Mental boundaries set the tone for what you will accept and not accept as a self truth, or use as a tool for self-analysis. These boundaries also help shape the way you move through your life, both personally and professionally.
Want more? Check out this article from YWiB Vancouver: Money on a Budget – 5 Tried and True Steps to Better Budgeting
It’s time now to manifest what you’re feeling and thinking internally into your external environment. With practically your whole life now under one roof, how do you go about establishing the physical boundaries that separate how much of your work life and personal life intersect? And how much are you willing to present on each side?
Are you doing business at the top (collared shirt) and party at the bottom (PJs)? Do you reminisce and laugh about your long-forgotten ‘work hours’? Not sure what we’re getting at? Here are some ways our team members are setting physical boundaries:
Change up your Environment
“I found rearranging my room to be a huge help to give the area a fresh new look and to change up the style from my ‘old life’. I have a designated space for work in my room from Monday through Friday that I do not touch over the weekend. This is also a great time to declutter and look up some of your favourite interior design makeovers and make that happen.” Samira - Program Coordinator
Taking the time to reinvent your home can help to give it a new feel. If you don’t have a dedicated workspace - your whole house becomes your workspace and this is where boundaries can easily get blurred! Get creative! You don’t have to mimic your workspace at your office, but create one that works best for you. It’s also good to consider how much of your home you would like to share on your video conference meetings. Your work associates do not need to be immersed into your home life if you don’t feel comfortable with it.
“I’m moving apartments during this unprecedented pandemic, and I’m taking this opportunity to redesign my daily schedule. I am designing my bedroom in a way that allows me to designate an area specifically for work, away from the living room where I hope to physically remove myself from work! And I have been making an effort not to check my emails outside of work hours to create boundaries!” - Aashima, Human Resource Coordinator
Change your Look
For some of us, the way we present ourselves sets the tone for the rest of the day. When we take time in the morning to get dressed, shower and put on clean clothes, we can mentally feel more put together, confident and productive.
Establish A Personal Routine
"I love to separate my weekends from my work days. I still need structure, but I try to have way less screen time and enjoy the little joys around me. Typically, on a weekend I'll be sure to be up and working out by 9am. After my hour long workout, I'll make a hot cup of coffee and some breakfast. I'll settle in with a great book while blasting music in my room. Sometimes, I'll open the windows and cuddle up with a fur blanket I only use on weekends. I don't know why this feels so luxurious, but it does! After reading for a few hours (yay no screen time!) I'll go on a walk or run, do some YWiB work, or try a new recipe. I try not to use my desk all weekend so I can come back refreshed and ready for a new week on Monday!" - Olivia- VP Business Operations
Self Care is the best care. Creating a routine that allows you to differentiate your days/moods and create space for self-expression provides a sense of purpose and allows for some the mental and physical balance that you may need.
“ I’m militant about my boundaries because of my past experiences. For example, I start work at 9am and finish at 5pm. I have a proper home office and I close it when I'm working. I schedule my workday as much as I can in my calendar: I block at my lunch time and sit somewhere else in my house to eat it. Also, I use the Pomodoro Technique to keep focused on the task at hand (25min focused work: 5-minute break; repeat). I put my personal phone in Do Not Disturb and only allow myself to look at it during water breaks, and add lemon to my water to give me a jolt when my energy or enthusiasm for work stuff starts dipping. All of this helps create a virtual 'work bubble' for me.”- Sandra, President
“I like to work out 4 – 6 times a week, typically after work. However, I have now begun to schedule my workday around being active, instead of waiting until the end of the day to exercise. Each morning I wake up at 8:00am, drink a glass of lemon water and then do a 30 minute stretch or yoga class (I highly recommend ALO Moves) online. I then take 10 minutes to check in with myself on Smiling Mind (an Australian mindfulness app). As an Aussie living aboard I am often extremely homesick and this not only helps with that, it also helps to clear my mind and ensure I am ready for a busy day ahead of online meetings and setting up virtual events. I also make a conscious effort not to look at my personal mobile until around 10am every day. At 12:00 on my “lunch break” I do a HIIT class for 30 minutes (usually on Instagram Live and lead by instructors from my favorite gyms, Fit Factory or Barry’s Boot camp) then it’s a quick bite and back to the laptop!” - Alishka, Event Coordinator
For anyone who is still struggling between “Should I be more productive?” and figuring out how to be more productive, get to the root of why you feel like you need to be ‘on’ all the time. When you get behind the ‘why’, your ‘how’ should come naturally. Honour your Journey and define your new normal as one that works for you in a positive way.