Nina K. Moore on thriving, not just surviving, while living with anxiety.
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Young Women in Business Toronto (YWiB) aims to provide our diverse community of young, self-identified women with genuine career advice, encouragement, and examples of local role models. That's why, for the next few months, we’ll be interviewing both career professionals and entrepreneurs that our community can be inspired by and learn from.
Nina K Moore, Anxiety Coach
You left the Education field to venture into the Mental Health field. What prompted that change?
I came to a point where being in the classroom and having a good quality of life was no longer possible—which was a very disempowering experience. I had loved teaching and had been a teacher for many years.
I got my power back when I started to realize that the way I was learning to navigate my anxiety could be of service to others. I began creating a space where I could simultaneously manage my anxiety and support a community in doing the same.
I am open with my clients about my own process and health. I may say to a client for example, “I’m so very sorry. I have to postpone our session today because I need to do some anxiety recovery work for myself. I will be in touch within 48 hours.”
To be transparent and authentic with the people that I am working with is wonderful. In fact, it’s my medicine! There is no anxiety about the anxiety. I can go straight to focusing on my recovery. And at the same time, I get to model anxiety management to my clients which in turn further nourishes me.
Looking for more mental health resources? Check out the free BounceBack® program, offered by the Canadian Mental Health Association (CMHA)
Sometimes we may be terrified when others find out we are seriously suffering - because we fear what they may think, labels us as, and other forms of stigma. What did it feel like to own and be open about your mental health, and share this part of you with the world?
It involved a lot of trial and error. It feels very good to speak matter-of-factly about (my) anxiety. Doing so, also helps me to acknowledge how hard I’ve worked to get here. Nine times out of time, I hear ‘Ah, me too. Or my brother… My friend…’
But for me, sometimes not disclosing my anxiety disorder can be the responsible, healthy thing to do. One of my ground rules when I am having anxiety is “Don’t try to explain it while you’re in it.” When I am struggling, my fuse is short and putting my struggle in words can feel like justifying, like having to explain myself—which isn’t nourishing at all. And so, on occasion, the pretend sore back, cramps and headache are still valuable strategies for me. More on this
How do you interweave the skills you gained in the Education field into your new career path?
As a teacher and as an anxiety coach, I am very process-oriented. I would never put together a complete plan for a client, a neat booklet of sorts. “Ta dah, here’s your plan. Good luck!” Rather, our work together is very much a trial-and-error process. From day one, I am inviting my client to test out strategies, to document, to gather as much insight as possible in between sessions. Like a teacher planning the next lesson, I then review this information in order to decide what to test out next. Like making a sculpture, we start with a blob of clay and together we shape it, eventually down to the last detail.
Just like with my students, I invest time in learning about my clients—their circumstances, resources, learning style, approach to problem solving, interests, ambitions, etc. It’s all extremely important when putting together a personalized anxiety plan.
On your blog, you talk about living through anxiety, and not looking for a cure, rather developing strategies that help with coping and resiliency. How did that shift come about? What did it feel like to go from 'looking for a cure' to ‘understanding your anxiety'?
This was life changing for me—and a gradual discovery. For so long, I felt like I was failing at finding a cure. What my desperate brain heard over and over was that if I took these supplements or did this therapy or that acupuncture or this breathing technique etc., etc., etc., then I, too, would be anxiety-free. For good.
I still face anxiety. But I know how to minimize it. How to prevent it. How to prepare for it when it is unpreventable. I know how to efficiently recover from it. I know when to push through and when to surrender. These skills and awareness have been life changing.
During COVID-19 times, many of us are spending hours and hours on Zoom, which is now being found to increase depression and anxiety. Any advice for those in our community who might be feeling Zoom burnout? As well, how can we create a work-from-home environment that helps us be productive through anxiety? Obviously what works for one person might not for another, but, do you have any tips or practices that work for most?
Halfway through preparing for this interview, I went for a walk—just to the end of the street and back. I was gone maybe seven minutes. Along the way, I noticed a maple tree that I would describe as neon red. I picked up some leaves. When I got home, I put all but one into a thick book for drying. There’s a bright red leaf next to my keyboard right now.
Taking those breaks is the responsible thing to do. And how we spend them is, for me, often the fork in the road between feeling good or ‘blah’. Picking up some bright red leaves ticks so many boxes that watching Netflix cannot.
Sometimes, it’s about leaving the house just so I can come home! I need to actively create circumstances that before happened naturally. When it’s raining, I go around the block—if only for the satisfaction of coming home, getting dry and feeling cozy.
For me, cozy is crucial. Being cozy versus feeling cooped up are worlds apart. I call this ‘active hibernation’. I often ask clients, “What’s your cozy?” It can be so unique and personal. My long list includes orange slices and hot chocolate, really cheesy murder mysteries, my red blanket, beeswax candles, my jigsaw puzzle of the world map, my turquoise pen that glides across the paper.
Also, I go analogue as often as possible. I’ve bought a boom box. My daughter and I have been loading up on random CD’s from the library. My aim is to cut out screen time wherever I can. I don’t want to look at a screen to choose music or an audio book at the moment.
Based on your research, personal and professional experience, what are the obvious and no-so-obvious ways that COVID-caused anxiety manifests in people's everyday lives?
Since the outbreak, a lot of the emails and texts that I receive start with an apology of sorts. I sense a lot of guilt, of feeling behind, overwhelmed. When unrelenting, these feelings can leave us vulnerable to anxiety.
Brain fog is also quite common these days. I call it ‘Covid brain’—when our thoughts don’t flow in conversation or in our writing. The words don’t come. Nouns are forgotten. I try my best to remind myself that this is normal given the circumstances.
Anxiety takes away our perspective. It lets small stuff become ENORMOUS. When I am healthy and grounded, if you looked at a pie chart of my life, you’d see that communicating with my co-parent would take up a tiny slice of energy. Although it can be unpleasant, it is very contained.
For me, when he is very big in my life, that is a sign that I must stop and focus on myself. It is a sign that I am not well grounded at the moment and therefore vulnerable to escalating anxiety. Noticing when something is getting disproportionately big in my life, is an important tool for anxiety prevention.
Read more: YWiB Role Model Interviews: Megan te Boekhorst is 'unapologetically vulnerable' about mental health
What is your advice for having conversations about anxiety with others in our lives who may not understand it yet, or have not been able to talk openly about mental health?
When it came to explaining my anxiety to my parents, I first invested precious energy and time into explaining my struggle to my brother. When this dialogue started, we were both confused and overwhelmed but I continued to share my experiences and he started to do some research of his own.
With my permission—and gratitude—he took the lead in starting a dialogue with my parents. This included giving them concrete ways to offer support even before they were able to begin to understand. For example, “Let Nina talk about it. Listen to her”, or, “Remind her that she can always call or come over even if she isn’t feeling like her usual self. Remind her that she doesn’t have to pretend with you.”
On days when I had to cancel a visit to their house due to anxiety, my brother would make the call for me. Then he would take the time to answer their questions and provide reassurance. This was an enormous relief and it let me focus on my health.
For me, investing in one person first, was a great way to gradually learn how to explain my struggle to others in my life. Knowing one person deeply understood helped cushion the disappointment and hurt when others struggled to understand and support. Please do get in touch for some resources on this topic!
Read more: YWiB Role Model Interviews: Shakira Rouse on learning disabilities, stigma, and the workplace
What is the Pep talk you give yourself when you need it most?
I say to myself, ‘Remember Nina, you’re a turtle. Slow and steady.’ I remind myself of how far I’ve come, one small step at a time.
What excites you about the future?
This work excites me enormously—I live it, I breath it. It’s my medicine and my purpose. I’ve got the fire back in my belly!
Nina K Moore, M.Ed., OCT, is a Toronto-based Anxiety Coach who provides private sessions and workshops to those of us who are touched by anxiety. Her mission is to help others better understand, minimize, prevent—and thrive with—their anxiety. Nina’s work is based on her extensive teaching background as well as her lived experience of learning to live—well—with an anxiety disorder. Nina is passionate about dismantling the barriers she faced when she was coping with chronic acute anxiety.