About six months ago, I cried in a bar over a guy – not one of my proudest moments, but it made me realize that I needed to make some changes.
I am a classic over analyzer and tend to play out hundreds of different scenarios in my head every time something happens, or maybe could happen sometime in the future. As you can imagine, it’s a very time consuming process and usually happens when I’m supposed to be doing other things like studying or sleeping. Pre-bar cry, I found myself spiraling down the “does he like me/what does that text really mean/how long do I wait to answer his snap” rabbit hole more often than I care to admit, it was exhausting.
A week or two post bar cry I decided that I needed to make a change. Sure, everybody cries in a bar once and while, but now that I did it once, I wanted to make sure it wouldn’t happen again (at least for a while). I was going into April finals, was starting an exciting internship in my field of study, and was enrolled in a spring class in May. With all of these big things coming up, I honestly didn’t have time be worried about anything aside from myself.
That’s when I decided that I was going focus completely on my career, my education, and most importantly myself for the next few months. I figured by redirecting the time and energy I used to spend spiraling about things that really didn’t matter to things that were actually important to me I could figure out what I wanted out of myself and what I needed from the people around me going forward. These are some things that I learned:
Number 1: If you like what you are doing, it’s actually not that hard to tune out all the little things that are bothering you. This was my first time working an “adult job” and I wanted to prove to myself and the people who hired me that they made the right choice. I dove into my work and pretty quickly discovered that I loved it! I got to help people in ways that a lot of other people can’t and I learned more than I ever imagined I would. If you take anything away from this blog post, please let it be this: Find something you are passionate about and just do it because your life will honestly be so much better.
Number 2: I know it sounds cliché but surround yourself with the right people. I met so many amazing people at my job this summer and I have fantastic friends from school. When I am with those people, I get to be myself and I get out of my head. It is so important to find people who push you to be the best version of yourself but more importantly will still be there scrape you off the pavement when you fall, because let’s face it, we can’t be perfect all the time.
Number 3: It’s better to be 20-some and not in a relationship than 20-some in a relationship that isn’t giving you what you need. This one was probably the hardest for me to come to terms with. I have been single for a while now and you know what? That’s not a bad thing! This summer, I basically had the “where are we” talk with myself and I figured out what I actually want out of my next relationship and examined some past relationships to see what went wrong. I also realized that I’m only 20, and this really isn’t something I need to worry about right now. Even though sometimes it feels like there is so much pressure on you to find a significant other (thanks mom and dad), there really isn’t and it is so much more important to be able to make sure that you are happy with yourself first and when that happens, the rest will fall into place.
Honestly, looking back I am really glad that I cried in a bar. It forced me to stop avoiding my personal problems and finding what I need in my life. Stepping back and making time to figure out who I am and what I want has made me ready to take on whatever life has to throw at me next. Now, let’s be clear I am not recommending you drop what you’re doing to go cry at a bar, but I would recommend taking some time to prioritize yourself.